Category Archives: news

Playlet: Santa Agonistes or the Tragical End of Santa Claus

This is a mild satire not attacking Christmas itself, but the gross commercialisation of this event in the Church calendar.

Description ‘Santa Agonistes or the Tragical End of Santa Claus’

It has become a tradition for the English Department at Erfurt University to offer readings and performances of the lecturers’ favourite items of literature. Some lecturers write their own contributions, as in this case. This is a mild satire not attacking Christmas itself, but the gross commercialisation of this event in the Church calendar. The idea of Santa Claus being replaced by a hologram was meant as a joke, but reality can surpass even the most absurd elements of satire. It was only after writing the playlet that I discovered there are websites offering holograms of Father Christmas on a commercial basis.

For commercial performances, permission will be needed for the inclusion of the tune Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer; otherwise, this element can be removed without affecting the integrity of the play. Non-profit performances are covered by the copyright disclaimer under section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976.

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Playlet A Nightmare at Christmas: 4 pages
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Zusammenfassung ‘Santa Agonistes or the Tragical End of Santa Claus’

Das Stück verspottet die krasse Kommerzialisierung der zeitgenössischen Weihnachtszeit. Santa Claus ist ein deprimierter Trinker, der entlassen und durch ein Hologramm ersetzt wird.

Das von Johnny Marks im Jahre 1949 komponierte Lied, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer kann hier wegen Urheberrechte nicht mit vollem Text angeboten werden, aber für eine nicht-kommerzielle Benutzung des Liedes ist eine Vorführung erlaubt (Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976.) Ansonsten kann das Lied ausgelassen werden, ohne die Integrität des Textes zu beeinträchtigen.

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Playlet: A Nightmare before Christmas

A Christmas story with screaming kids, shrieking mothers-in-law and drunken husbands sneaking off to the pub.

Description ‘A Nightmare before Christmas’

Anyone teaching English as a foreign language knows that Christmas in Britain is a popular theme in December. However, the texts on English Christmases tend to be bland or ‘twee’ and so, I decided to write my own description of Christmas with screaming kids, shrieking mothers-in-law and drunken husbands sneaking off to the pub. This text proved to be very popular with the majority of students although a few found it to be too cynical. I have incorporated this text into both my translation and my phonetics workbooks.

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Playlet A Nightmare at Christmas: 8 pages
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Zusammenfassung ‘A Nightmare before Christmas’

Das Stück zeigt die andere Seite eines britischen Weihnachtsfests: schreiende Mütter in der Küche, kreischende Kinder im Bettzimmer und Ehemänner, die in den Pub schleichen, um das Gedränge zu vermeiden. Der Tenor ist Humor – eine leichte Parodie des Winterfestes.
Das von Irving Berlin komponierte und von Bing Crosby zum ersten Mal im Jahre 1941 gesungene Lied, I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas darf hier auf Grund von Urheberrechten nicht mit vollem Text angeboten werden, aber für eine nicht-kommerzielle Benutzung des Liedes ist eine Vorführung erlaubt (Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976.) Ansonsten siehe Hinweise im Text.

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Novelette: Trouble at the Vatican

The novel can be described as a futuristic satire and so could appear in the science fiction department of a library if it were to be published.

Description ‘Trouble at the Vatican’

I originally began this novel when I was working in East Germany a year after the Wall came down. Conditions had changed little from GDR at that time. At the horticultural workers’ hostel where I was staying at the time, the black and white television was on its last legs and the local library had very few books which caught my interest. There were, of course, a few of the classics of German literature available at the library, but at university I had read enough German literature for several lifetimes and so I wrote a section or chapter of the novel every evening for my own amusement. The novel seemed to write itself. However, the initial idyllic period of having too little to do was soon replaced by a twenty-year stretch of having too much to do. It is only now in my semi-retirement that I have come round to finishing the novel. Many of the events anticipated in the novel have already taken place and so, they are now ancient history. The present book is now set in the future during the fictitious reign of Pope Francis III. Fortunately, however, changes take place slowly at the Vatican and so the contemporary struggles between conservatives and reformers will continue well into the future.

A closely accurate description of the personae working at the Vatican could well lead to a flood of libel cases, so that is why the characters in the novel are based on types rather than on any particular individuals. As the great psychiatrist and Auschwitz survivor Viktor Frankl observed, almost any institution whether it be a monastery or a prison usually has a wide range of types from generous, saintly people to malicious miscreants. The Vatican is no exception. There should, theoretically, be a greater proportion of saintly types at the Vatican, but both recent and historical scandals have shown that the Vatican has its fair share of the latter mentioned types. However, most of us belong to the varying shades of grey in between.

The novel is by no means meant as an attack on the Vatican, but has been written in the same spirit as the Antony Jay and Jonathan Lynn’s BBC television series ‘Yes, Minister’ and ‘Yes, Prime Minister’ in which the British Civil Service is somewhat pilloried, but in a humorous way. The chief rogue in this series is the Machiavellian Prime Minister’s Secretary Sir Humphrey as played by Nigel Hawthorn; however, he is what may be described as a ’lovable rogue’. The novel can be described as a futuristic satire and so could appear in the science fiction department of a library if it were to be published. However, this novel is not intended for publication except for its appearance on the website.

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Trouble at the Vatican: 108 pages
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Zusammenfassung ‘Trouble at the Vatican’

Der Roman ist eine humoristische, leichte Satire über die vatikanische Glaubenskongregation (Congregatio pro doctrina fidei). Es geht um Rivalen, deren Zorn im Golf ausgespielt wird, um Konflikte zwischen Modernisten und Traditionalisten und um die modernen Methoden der Inquisition, die Latein und mathematische Logik für ihre Zwecke benutzen. Dazwischen steht ein Franziskaner Pater Dubois, der fortschrittliche Bücher geschrieben hat, der aber in Verwirrung schwebt. Die moderne Folter der früheren Inquisition ist viel subtiler als Streckbank und Daumenschrauben.

Über den Vatikan zu schreiben ist ein heikles Gebiet. Deswegen ist der Kontext des Romans auf die Zukunft gestellt. Die Charaktere beziehen sich auf keine bestimmten Personen, sondern sie beinhalten ein Amalgam von verschiedenen geistlichen Typen, die auf jahrelange Erfahrungen des Autors über die katholische Kirche basiert sind. Der Roman ist überhaupt kein Angriff auf die Kirche, sondern er umfasst eine bunte Palette von Typen, die von Heiligen über weltliche Geistliche bis zu höchst dubiosen Prälaten reichen.

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Umfang: 108 Seiten
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Pantomime: Dick Whittington

A pantomime about the historic personae Dick Whittington. Half legend half fairytale.


The main item on this site is the pantomime Dick Whittington, which I had originally written for the Second Erfurt Symposium for Teaching English as a Second Language in the primary school. For this reason, the pantomime contains many discrete pedagogical features, but as we performed this pantomime at Erfurt to a more sophisticated audience, I included a narrator’s role with a very high register and constant use of irony. Music containing adapted songs plays an important role and there is also an (optional) element of dance. This would only affect four songs written in the twentieth century, but they can also be omitted without harming the essential features of the pantomime.
The fee includes performance rights and the rights to make appropriate alterations such as when the pantomime dame (here: the cook) refers to contemporary events. The problems with the Greek economy, for example, are still current, but may not be in the future.

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Zusammenfassung des Pantos ‘Dick Whittington’

Dieses Panto behandelt die Geschichte von der historischen Person Dick Whittington. Der aus armen Verhältnissen stammende Dick Whittington wurde dreimal zum Oberbürgermeister von London gewählt. Halb Legende und halb Märchen. King Rat (der König der Ratten) plant den Untergang von dem in Alice verliebten Dick. Es geht um den Kampf zwischen Gut und Böse. Das britische Panto hat nichts zu tun mit der europäischen ‘Pantomime’: letztere ist hauptsächlich stumm, Pantos hingegen sind laut. Das britische Panto hat eine Handlung mit einem Helden oder Heldin, einem Bösewicht und einem ‚Happy End‘. Die Aufführung schließt viel Gesang, Tanz und Komödie ein. Die britischen Pantos locken ganze Familien ins Theater, die während der Weihnachtszeit auch am Geschrei und Gesang teilnehmen.

Anmerkung: Das von Bob Merrill im Jahre 1952 komponierte Lied, That Doggie in the Window ist hier auf geänderte Form wegen Urheberrechte dargestellt worden, die für eine nicht-kommerzielle Benutzung des Liedes für eine Vorführung erlaubt ist (Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976.) Wenn das nicht der Fall ist, habe ich eine Alternative angeboten, mit der eignen Lyrik und mit der urheberechtsfreien Melodie Mein Hut, er hat drei Ecken (1707). Dasselbe gilt für das von Friedrich Hollaender im Jahre 1930 komponierte Lied Falling in Love Again (Can’t Help It), wobei ich die Lyrik geändert habe, aber für eine kommerzielle Version habe ich ganz neue Worte zu der Melodie geschrieben, die immer noch urheberrechtlich geschützt ist. Ansonsten sind alle anderen Lieder traditionell und so urheberrechtsfrei.

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Umfang: 33 Seiten mit Anhang für die Gesänge
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Essay Writing B2/C1 Student Workbook

The booklet tackles typical mistakes for B2 and CI students in Germany.

Essay Writing booklet for students

My Essay Writing Booklet was aimed at our BA students at Erfurt. It was quite shocking to experience how poor the students’ essay writing skills even at this level proved to be (on average). It was not their fault. They had obviously not been suitably drilled in these skills during their secondary education. Our students also have to pass the European Framework Common Levels at B2 and CI, which are also recognized throughout the TEFL and TESOL world. This booklet could be, of use for any Language School as it is aimed at remedying deficiencies in this area.

The booklet does not aim at covering grammar. This is too broad a subject and there are many excellent grammar books on the market. My booklet tackles typical mistakes for B2 and CI students in Germany.

As over twenty years of experience have gone into my booklet, I would like some remuneration for my efforts now that I am retired. A sample with the contents and first five pages which deal with the standard five-paragraph essay can be downloaded free of charge.

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Essay Writing Teacher Booklet: 38 pages
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Arbeitsheft für “Essay Writing” für Studenten

Das Workbook ist ein Arbeitsheft für “Essay Writing” (Aufbau des englischen Aufsatzes) als Prüfungsvorbereitung in den Sekundär- und Tertiärbereichen für die Niveaustufen BI-C2 innerhalb der Gemeinsamen Europäischen Referenzrahmen für Sprachen.

Inhalte

  • Aufbau des Aufsatzes
  • detaillierte Regeln für die Anwendung des Kommas und des Apostrophs
  • Übungen
  • komplexe Sätze und Konjunktionen mit Übungen
  • Wortschatzerweiterung
  • ‚succinctness‘(Prägnanz) durch Zusammenfassungsübungen (précis)
  • Register (Sprachniveau) mit Übungen

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Essay Writing: Teacher Booklet

This course book is designed for teachers of English at B2 and CI Levels whether at institutes of higher education or at TEFL/TESOL colleges.

Teachers’ Notes and Keys

In my experience essay writing classes have been the least popular course among many of my colleagues not only on account of the prodigious amounts of scripts to marked in such courses but also because of the nebulous nature of the subject. Except for the amount of marking involved, I have grown to enjoy teaching essay writing at a German university partly because we are allowed to design our own courses. I had found the standard books to have a few useful hints, but little concrete material. This course book is designed for teachers of English at B2 and CI Levels whether at institutes of higher education or at TEFL/TESOL colleges. With a few minor alterations they can be used for native speakers in secondary schools. (They can also apply to BI/B2 and CI/C2) The booklet also contains my own marking scheme which has been adopted by Erfurt University amongst others.

Teaching Principles

My principles are based on experience rather than following a particular education theory, and so the inevitable ensuing dogmatic tone should be seen as recommendations rather than imperatives.
Firstly, a writing class should involve the students’ writing rather than the teacher talking. Unfortunately, too many writing classes have the reverse tendency. Some colleagues evolve elaborate strategies to avoid writing in class so that there will be less marking. This, in the end, is a false strategy as it leads to student dissatisfaction and lack of progress, which, in turn, leads to stress for the teacher and frustration for the students. For this reason, I will present a twelve-session outline which can be adapted to any particular group. At my university, we have 15 double sessions and so the headings can be expanded as hinted in the suggestions and from the extra exercises and assignments in the appendices. Similarly, the structure plan can be shortened if essay writing is only one element of a language course and thus comprises single rather than double sessions.
The booklet can be divided into five sections:

  • mechanical errors in punctuation;
  • register;
  • practical marking schemes for teachers;
  • examination materials including my B2 and CI marking schemes which have also been adopted by other universities,
  • examination questions with two ‘model’ essays, one for B2 and one for CI
  • and finally, a vocabulary building exercise in literary anyalysis.

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Essay Writing Teacher Booklet: 72 pages
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Arbeitsheft für “Essay Writing” für Lehrer

Das Workbook ist ein Arbeitsheft für “Essay Writing” (Aufbau des englischen Aufsatzes) als Prüfungsvorbereitung in den Sekundär- und Tertiärbereichen für die Niveaustufen BI-C2 innerhalb der Gemeinsamen Europäischen Referenzrahmen für Sprachen.

Inhalte

  • Aufbau des Aufsatzes
  • detaillierte Regeln für die Anwendung des Kommas und des Apostrophs
  • Übungen
  • komplexe Sätze und Konjunktionen mit Übungen
  • Wortschatzerweiterung
  • ‚succinctness‘(Prägnanz) durch Zusammenfassungsübungen (précis)
  • Register (Sprachniveau) mit Übungen

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Umfang des kompletten Arbeitshefts: 72 Seiten
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Little Red Riding Hood

A humoristic version of the fairytale Little Red Riding Hood.

Story Little Red Riding Hood including pub quiz

I wrote this extract for the university students of the University of Erfurt who are studying English as a Christmas ‘fun?’ end-of-term exercise. As the text is very specialised, it is accompanied by an acrostic pub quiz, which contains the most difficult lexical items. At first glance, the quiz may seem to be too difficult even for BA students, but a ‘pub quiz’ involves working in teams and our students managed to solve it very effectively. The key to the quiz shows that once one of the Three Wise Men has been solved, it is not a difficult task to work out the other two. However, each item needs to be correctly aligned with its definition, but then the range of options would be somewhat limited. Hopefully, the students will be challenged by the quiz, but it is a good idea to award appropriate small prizes for the best three teams.

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Pantomime Little Red Riding Hood: 6 pages
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‘Pub Quiz’ und das Märchen ‘Little Red Riding Hood’

Der Text ist meine englische humoristische Bearbeitung von Little Red Riding Hood für fortgeschrittene Studenten (CI/C2) und wurde als eine ‚Weihnachtsaufgabe‘ vorgesehen, da Märchen eine beliebtes Thema für britische Pantos sind. Der Text enthält viele elementar linguistische und literarische Termini. Als Vorbereitung für den spezialisierten Text habe ich ein weihnachtliches ‚Pub Quiz‘ erstellt. Die Lösung mit weihnachtlichem Thema ist für den Benutzer vorhanden. Trotz des Schwierigkeitsgrades des Textes ist es meinen Studenten gelungen, das Quiz in Teams erfolgreich zu lösen. Angemessen wäre in der Weihnachtszeit, kleine Geschenke an die besten drei Teams zu verteilen.
Anmerkung: Das von Frank Churchill und von Ann Ronell im Jahre 1933 komponierte Lied, Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf darf hier wegen Urheberrechte nicht angeboten werden, passt gut als ‚Nachwort‘ zu der Lesung des Textes, aber für eine nicht-kommerzielle Benutzung des Liedes ist eine Vorführung erlaubt (Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976).

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Umfang: 6 Seiten (4 Seiten Text, 2 Seiten Pubquiz & Auflösung)
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Seven Stages of Human Love

‘Love’ is a highly ambiguous word bandied about in popular songs with little distinction between mere obsessive attraction and selfless or self-sacrificing love.

Description ‘Seven Stages of Human Love’

The daughter of one of my closest friends asked me to contribute an item to celebrate her parents’ fortieth wedding anniversary, which resulted in my description in note form ‘Seven Stages of Love’. ‘Love’ is a highly ambiguous word bandied about in popular songs with little distinction between mere obsessive attraction and selfless or self-sacrificing love. C. S. Lewis’s book on this subject ‘The Four Loves’ is based on four terms in Greek ‘storge’ (empathy, attraction) ‘philia’ (friendship) ‘eros’ (romantic and erotic love) and ‘agape’ — selfless love, which are implicitly included in the description. The tone is generally humorous and the content is aimed at young people considering marriage to aid differentiating from ‘true’ and superficial or false love.
I was rather pleased when my lawyer friend expressed concern regarding the characters in the description, fearing a host of libel suits. However, the characters are all pure inventions, but I have tried to make them as realistic as possible. The description may be appropriate for any one in similar circumstances celebrating a long and successful marriage or for anyone contemplating marriage, but who needs to know more.

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Zusammenfassung ‘Seven Stages of Human Love’

Das Substantiv Liebe wird häufig in der zeitgenössischen Kultur ohne Rücksicht auf jegliche Differenzierung benutzt. Die Altgriechen hatten aber vier Wörter für diesen Begriff. Der Text beschreibt auf konkrete Weise sieben auf Liebe basierte Beziehungen, die von der banalsten Stufe der oberflächlichen Anziehungskraft bis zu der erhabensten Agape reichen. Der Anlass für diese Geschichte war mein Beitrag für eine Hochzeitsfeier; sie zielte aber auf die Gäste der jüngeren Generation ab, die auf der Suche nach geeigneten Lebensgefährten/innen sind. Die in der Erzählung beschriebenen Personen sind rein fiktiv, obwohl viele Leser sie für wirkliche Personen gehalten haben. Die Form ist Staccato und eignet sich besonders gut zu einer dramatischen Lesung.

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Short stories: Huddersfield Lives

There are many jokes about Huddersfield, a grim northern city, in which I had both the fortune and the misfortune to be born.

Description ‘Huddersfield Lives’

There are many jokes about Huddersfield, a grim northern city, in which I had both the fortune and the misfortune to be born. Its name derives from an Anglo-Saxon or Viking warrior whose name was Oder and who owned a large field, hence Odersfeld or Huddersfield. The town which never became a city reached international fame in the 1950s Guinness Book of Records for being the foggiest town in the whole world. It could be a myth, but it fit the facts. My usual muse is comedy, but for the Huddersfield Lives stories, the aesthetic was pure gloom and doom, relieved only by a mild insertion of ironic humour. All the stories are based on my own experiences and are in essence true despite radical changes in the characters to protect personal identities. I am hoping to extend this project to include comic and neutral stories, based in Huddersfield.

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Short Stories Huddersfield Lives: 17 pages
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Zusammenfassung ‘Huddersfield Lives’

Huddersfield ist eine Industriestadt in Nordengland, die unter den extremen Verhältnissen der Industriellen Revolution stark gelitten hatte. Wegen der Arbeitsmöglichkeiten ist Huddersfield eine Einwanderungsstadt geworden. Die vier Geschichten erzählen von den traurigen Schicksalen einer Polin, eines Iren, eines Litauers und eines Engländers. Die vier Erzählungen behandeln die dunklen Seiten der modernen Gesellschaft und der menschlichen Natur. Ein Hauch Ironie in den Beschreibungen kreiert die nötige Distanz. Trotz tiefer Verwurzelung in der Realität sind die Charaktere rein fiktiv.

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Strategies in Translation

A Comparison of the Helen Lowe-Porter and David Luke Translations of Thomas Mann’s Tonio Kröger, Tristan and Der Tod in Venedig within the Context of Contemporary Translation Theory

Thomas Mann is one of the greatest German writers of the twentieth century, if not the greatest. There are probably more readers of the English translations world wide than of the original German versions, yet the most wide-spread translations are deeply flawed and these were written by Helen Lowe-Porter. This is a scandal in translation. Not only are there distortions and misunderstandings of the main themes sometimes caused by
deliberate omission of key sentences but also elementary howlers at the most basic level. These are not few and far between because every page of the short stories is riddled with errors. In the appendix to my dissertation,
I have classified 176 gross errors and so the reader can check this for himself. A knowledge of German is not necessary to recognise the errors as I have placed them next to David Luke’s generally reliable and accurate translations. Eminent academics such as David Luke and Michael Buck have pointed out these gross and frequent errors, yet her versions are still defended today by respected translation theoreticians and her bowdlerised translations still continue to be published without any radical alterations. This is an even greater scandal in translation. The debate between Buck and Luke with Professor Venuti is covered in the first chapter of my dissertation. The exchanges between the protagonists are extremely heated and make entertaining reading despite the seriousness of the subject.
However, Thomas Mann is a very difficult author to do justice to in translation and so that is why I have presented seven versions of two extracts for comparison. I have included two of my own versions, one very close to the source and one, which is easier to read and digest but which communicates the essential points. I, however, do not claim to be the ideal translator of Thomas Mann. That is why, when my thesis was published as a book, the publishers ignored my suggested title ‘A Scandal in Translation’and changed it to the embarrassing title ‘How to translate Thomas Mann.’
It is something of a sad, though necessary task to highlight all the Lowe-Porter deficiencies and so, I broadened the dissertation to deal with all the problems of translation contained in Mann’s oeuvre – translation of poetry, humour, philosophy and dialect for which different strategies are needed. What most people and particularly school and university teachers understand as translation is the strategy I have classified as ‘academic translation’. The ideal academic translation should communicate every aspect of the source text including nuances and transpose them into the TL (Target Language i.e., in this case, English) so that the translation reads like an original text in TL. This is fine for most everyday texts, but fails when confronted by a literary text or humour. This is also the mistake made in all the published translations of Thomas Mann’s oeuvre. For this reason, new strategies have to be developed and this is the essence of the dissertation, which points out the limitations of the most common approach to translation in the twentieth century – equivalence theory.
Most translators are dictionary bound and most theoreticians are dazzled by the notion of equivalence. Any experienced translator knows that there often aren’t any equivalents in the foreign language (TL) and so a broader definition of translation is needed. Texts differ greatly in their intention and use – a legal contract, a poem, a comedy script, a religious ceremony, a joke – to name but a few. Here, Ludwig Wittgenstein’s concept
of language games is very useful. The translator should be playing the same game as the source text. Thus if you are translating a comedy script, the translation should aim at being equally amusing as the original. This means that there must be greater lexical freedom. As a pun is often by definition untranslatable as it will be based on a unique similarity in the source language, the translator must invent another pun on similar lines. At this point, the reader might object, ‘But is this translation?’ The answer is in the affirmative if the transcreation is successful as was the case with Gotter’s contemporary translations of British Restoration comedies. People often forget that these principles apply to the Bible. The highly poetic versions of the translations of the twenty-third psalm whether it be Martin Luther’s version or that of the King James’s Bible are both referred to as translations even though they are actually transcreations. I prefer to keep to the simple word ‘translation’ as long as the translation process is seen in a wider context.

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